Newsletter / Month 2

Dear Logan,


Today you are officially two months old.  You outgrew your newborn diapers last week and since that day I've had to pack several of your newborn outfits (including your "bring home" outfit).  It's a heavy feeling in my heart--time is flying by right before my eyes. 

It seems like (literally!) you were born just a few days ago.  Yet here you are, our round little butterball, growing every day.  I’m telling you…YESTERDAY you were able to fit into the crook of my arm.  Okay, maybe it was a couple of weeks ago, but who’s counting.

Your two month doctor’s appointment is next week and we will know for sure how much you’ve grown.  I’m guessing you’ve grown several inches and I believe you are 9-10 lbs now and about 21+ inches long.  I wasn’t going to go to this appointment, but I couldn’t think of NOT being there either.  It may be a control issue.  You’ll get used to that.

Daddy put together your crib and your dresser/diaper changing table about two weeks ago.  I haven’t had the courage to actually let you sleep in there yet.  You look so tiny in that big bed, and Mama isn’t ready for her baby to be across the hall just yet.  It’s the bed you’ll have until you leave us to go out on your own. 



Ummm…stop right there.  We are not going to even think about that just yet.

But along with all of these things that make my heart break a little, it swells right back up with all of the milestones you are having.  You smile quite often now...and on purpose.  :)  You love to be on your feet and can actually pull yourself up from a seated position.  Okay, okay.  You do need a little help getting started. But once you are on your feet, you do push yourself up the rest of the way. 


I thought that your doctor was out of her mind when she told us that you “may very well be crawling by four months”, (because of how strong you are) but I’m beginning to see that it may be possible.  You can now hold yourself up and support your upper body by your arms.  As a matter of fact, you were doing just that this morning as Mama and Daddy were getting ready for work.

You are so aware of everything.  You’re starting to really enjoy your little world.  You didn’t know until a few days ago that there were so many things to see!  You are actually looking across the room now (mostly you stare at the doorknob and the picture frame) and you get so excited when you hear familiar voices near you.  You’re becoming a little more independent now--you hated being by yourself SO much until just a week ago.  Within the last week, you have really started enjoying time to yourself.  This is much appreciated by Mama and Daddy…and the house is looking much cleaner! 

You finally noticed the cat about two weeks ago.  The first stare down between you and Rajah lasted over 45 minutes.  You thought he was amazing.  You tried to talk to him but you’d scare yourself whenever you’d squeal.  He wasn’t as thrilled with you, but we didn’t let you know.  We let you think he was there just for your entertainment.

You cried real tears one day last week when your belly was hurting really badly, Nugget.  I sort of lost it.  Don’t do that again.  We seem to have that constipation problem under control.  Here's hoping you keep up the great timing of letting those things happen at the baby sitter's house.  (heehee)

Your favorite time of day is cuddle time in the bed with Mama and Daddy once we are all home at the end of the day.  This is when you are the happiest.  Sadly, it usually doesn’t last as long as you’d like due to dinner, baths and other daily nonsense.  I must admit—I think it’s Mama and Daddy’s favorite time of day too.

I’m sure that there are going to be so many more moments this month that will make me shed tears of sadness.  But there will be so many more moments where the tears are happy, my breath escapes me, my face won’t stop smiling, and my heart swells with joy.

You are such a blessing to us and to our entire family.  Our world is so different now.  Your Daddy and I were happy before you came along.  We didn't think that we could be any happier.  But you know what?  I guess life is tricky in that way.  Happiness can always grow--especially when it's shared.  We are sharing our lives with each other.  We needed you.  You needed us.  Sometimes the angels show up to guide us right to the perfect place.

Logan Matthew--2 months



Love you always,

Mama <3

Dear Logan, (BIRTH DAY!)

May 6th, 2011.  Today you were placed into my arms for the first time.  My heart just melted as you peeked out from under your tiny swollen eyelids.  One look at your pink little face and I felt all of the pain of the last four years vanishing.  That pain didn't matter anymore.  All that matters now is you and our little family.

I sit here in this quiet hospital room in the middle of the night listening to you breathe and staring at your little face.  I want to remember every single moment.  I want to soak it all in.  You take my breath away.  I hope so many things for you.  I wish you love, smooth paths in life, and most of all happiness.  I promise to be sure you know how much you are loved each and every day.

I think about your amazing birthmom in the room down the hall.  I think about how her heart warms knowing that you are so loved, yet she aches of sadness for having to make this choice--the most difficult choice of her life.  I hope and pray that she finds true peace in her decision.  I think that she has to an extent, yet I hope that she will know that this is in no way an injustice to you.  She loves you so, so much.  Sometimes Buddy? Sometimes the best decisions in life are also the hardest to make.  Trust me when I say, you came into this world with heaps of love surrounding you.

I have to force myself to put you down.  I feel like I can't let you go.  I want you to feel the love that I have for you.  I've been holding all of this love inside of me for a long, long time. (The nurse says I'll spoil you.  Professionals don't know everything, Logan--no matter what they think.) 

Your Daddy is on top of the world.  I've never seen him so happy.  Tears of joy just keep running from his eyes.  He just keeps looking at you and touching your little face.  His cup runneth over.  That's what he'd say if he could find the words. 

I knew how much I wanted to be a Mommy.  I knew it from the time I was five years old.  I just never knew that it would feel like THIS.  I never knew that I would feel my heart warm like this.  And to think...I get to feel this way for the rest of my life.

Love you always,

Mama